Philippians 4:6

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"

For the whole day this verse has been resignating in my mind with me. I guess it started this afternoon as I waited and anticipated a pretty important meeting that I wasn't sure how it was going to end up.
I guess you could say that I am a pretty anxious person, and that is something that has only begun recently, and is pretty difficult to deal with. I find myself in situations where I become so totally anxious and consumed by what is possibly going to happen next, that I get all wound up and can't even think straight.

Today as I anticipated my meeting, the only thing running through my head was "do not be anxious!" I knew there was bible verse pertaining this, but I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was. So what did I do? I just typed into google "do not be anxious" and the first thing that came up was this verse. I knew that it was exactly what I was thinking of, and I think it's just so great how God works in these situations. He puts a thought in your mind and doesn't just easily give you the answer, he makes you search for it. And ultimately that's what God wants us to do in our relationship with him. He wants us to search for him, seek him out, and draw near to him in times of weakness, troubles, hardships, happiness, and even times of anxiety.

Well, I am now on a break from a lot of things in my life in order to help me focus and figure out where my life is headed, and what to do next. Although I don't really agree with this break, or really want to have it, I do know that it is needed, and will definitely be a great time to focus on myself, school, and most of all my relationship with God.

This past weekend I went home to work, and on Saturday night I went to a church service in London, which is something I quite often do when I am home and am working day shift. Anyways, at this service a song was sung..."Meet With Me" by Ten Shekel Shirt. This is a song that I have known for a very long time, but have just recently(saturday) been re-aquinted with, and have fell in love with it all over again.

It's just one of those songs that speaks such great truth, and is something that "you just need to hear", and totally helps. I have been listening to it like crazy since Saturday, and is something that I am working towards. I so long to meet with God again. To have a solid relationship with him, and have him back in my life. Ya sure, he never left my life, but I kind of strayed away, and need to find my way back. Hearing this song on Saturday showed me just how much I need to be back on track, how much I need God.

I used to be so surrounded by God, and was my life. I did everything with him, and made sure that everything I did was Glorifying to him. As my life has gone on, for the past couple years I feel like that isn't my greatest priority, and it feels horrible. I so long to meet with God again, and to have my life back to how it was. To be a happy, joyful person again. I know that it'll happen soon, so maybe this break is a blessing in disguise....
I guess, in time I'll figure out..but for now, I'll never know.

Love you all,
Stephanie.

PS...here's the link for the song if you wanna hit it up and listen to it...I HIGHLY recommend it..it's super great :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMb3xBsGiZU

Broken dreams....how did I end up in this situation?

Have you ever just had one of those days, where you find something really crappy out and it totally crushes your dreams, and then you wonder to yourself "how the heck did I end up in this situation?". Ya? Well I'm totally in one of those situations right now, and let me tell you it SUCKS!

I have never felt so passionate about something, and then watch it get ripped out of my life so quickly. People always say that if you rip the band-aid off fast that it hurts less, but I'm not sure how much I believe that when you relate it back to real life. For the past two hours I have been asking myself, how the crap did I end up in this situation? How did I let myself fail so miserably that I ended up here. I mean, I sort of knew there was a possibility that this would happen; however, I was sort of reassured that it probably wouldn't happen, and then to find out that what I had been hoping for, isn't going to happen.

Ha, you're all probably asking what I am talking about, and it's a job. Now, you're probably thinking, dude, chill it's just a job..but this is a job that I am super passionate about, and really count on in order to afford school...without it, I can't pay for school.

But I am constantly asking myself, how did I end up like this. How did I let myself get in the situation where I am so upset that all I do is cry? I mean, I know theres worse problems in the world, but I feel like I have nothing to make of myself.

• I'm 20 years old
• I'm in my second year of University, with my 3rd major change...
• I've failed classes
• I'm losing my job
• and I feel like my relationship with God is going down hill. I am definitely not relying on him as much as I should, and somedays I feel like I don't care.

I have nothing to make of myself. Ya, I'm still in school but I feel like my life isn't anything to be proud of.

I went on a missions trip to Haiti last year, and I'm going to Colombia this year. I feel like I didn't even make a difference or accomplish anything while I was in Haiti, and I'm not even sure if Colombia is where I am supposed to go.
I am a HUGE control freak, a HUGE stressor, a HUGE panicker, and a HUGE worrier. The fact that I don't know where my life is leading me, or what is going to happen with my future scares me.
I know I am supposed to rely on God and let him lead me, but I find that crazy hard.

I want to call myself a Christian, but as I think about it, am I really one? Am I really a Christian, or am I just living a life of labels; a life of lies; and a life of hiding behind this mask that I am too scared to take off and show the world who I truly am.

My mind is racing with a million thoughts and feelings. I feel like such a failure, an idiot, and like a loser because my life feels so screwed up.

Now, I don't want you guys to think that I am writing this because I'm some crazy super depressed emo kid, who wants attention or pity. I'm not any of the above, and I don't want peoples pity. I'm just ubber upset and I find blogging is the best way to vent, and let my thoughts out.
Take it or leave it. If you don't like it, then don't read my blog anymore.

Well, I hope your night is going much better than mine.
However, I do know within time things will get better, and my life will get back on track. I plan to get super amazing grades this semester, and I plan to make something of myself for the rest of this year and throughout the summer.
In the mean time, pray for me because I could use some serious prayer.


Peace...
Stephanie

Epic Fail...

Tonight is just one of those nights.
Ya know, one of those nights where you feel like no matter what you do you fail.
Call me overdramatic, or depressed, but my day was soooo good, and then one little thing happened and it made me feel like I failed completely!
I don't know what it is, but whenver it comes to my job and I do something wrong I feel like I failed. Perhaps it's the fact that I am super passionate about my job, and absolutely love it, so when I do something wrong I feel horrible. I guess it's the fact that I have such high expectations for myself and when I feel like I don't meet them I get angry at myself.

I don't want to blame this epic fail on anybody else, but I can't take the full blame for myself. Ya sure, I'm the one that handle the situation wrong, but it doesn't make me feel any better of a person when people are telling you everything you did wrong, and proceed to tell you that you should have known what to do, no excuses! Well, I am sorry that people forget, and in intese situations sometimes people forget or freeze up.

Well, I don't even know anymore.
All I can say is that life tonight is an EPIC FAIL, and I am so ready for this night to be over.

Well, there you have it folks...Stephanie Tree in one of her worst times ever.

Stand Together

Yesterday I was watching an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. I absolutely love this show but haven't watched it in forever, simply because I didn't have time to watch it. In fact, I first felt called my God to go to Haiti last year while watching an episode of this show. Anyways, there is a website that I often visit daily and it's called givesmehope.com. It's a really great website. People post inspiring and encouraging stories about things, events, or people who give them hope. It's great to read about things that you may be going through and see others post about it. It makes you feel as though you aren't alone in the world. It's sort of a website that is like postsecret.com.

Well, while on this website I saw a GMH about a family who was on Extremem Makeover: Home Edition. This was a family who had 4 children, one of whom took his own life when he was only 11. He committed suicide because of bullying. While watching this episode, not only was I sobbing like a child, but the mother shared the story and showed such strength. You see a women who just lost her son about a year or two prior to this show, because of suicide. She tells the story of how he came home from school and seemed to be a little bit not himself, and then tells us how when she calls him for dinner, he doesn't respond, therefore leading her to go upstairs to see what was happening with him, only to find him hanging himself from the stairwell. Wow, I couldn't even imagine experiencing that, let alone telling the world about it.

Anyways, as the show goes on, like usual they get their vacation, and their new home, but the Makeover team does something super special. The begin a website in this little boys honour, and it's called "Stand Together". The whole point of this website is for people to go on it and take a pledge to stand together against bullying. You print out your number, take a picture with it and upload it to the website, to show that you are taking the pledge to stand together to end bullying.

I'm a huge advocate for stopping bullying. I was bullied as a child, and it's definitely not something that is fun. I am totally against it and it really breaks my heart to hear of stories like this one where people take their life because they couldn't handle the bullying anymore. After watching this show I am so ready to do more. I am ready to be a voice for the people who no longer have a voice. For the people who are too scared to stand up for themselves against bullying, and for the people who just don't care enough to stand up and stop bullying. I am going to become a voice for these people, and I took the pledge to stand together.

I printed out my numer, and as you can see from the picture, a lot of people have taken the pledge! I took the pledge last night, so I am sure that there has been A LOT more since I did it.

I want to challenge all of you readers(if any) to take the pledge, and stand together against bullying.

Simply go to this website: http://www.standtogether.tv/?utm_source=glsen+website&utm_medium=banner&utm_content=Stand+Together&utm_campaign=Stand+Together&utm_source=google&utm_medium=adwords%2Bgrant&utm_content=stand%2Bwith%2Bus&utm_campaign=stand%2Btogether&gclid=CN6DsNbfw60CFc3DKgodu3QrCQ

Print off your number, take a picture with it and then upload it to the website.

Take a stand against bullying and help to eliminate it and make a change in this world!

Peace.

Stephanie

Listen....do you?

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even knows she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Listen..do you? Are you there when people need you? Do you listen to the rustle of the leaves in the fall, do you listen to the hundreds of conversations happening while you're shopping, do you listen to what's happening in the news while your parents/spouse/friend are watching the news, or even when you have your tv turned to the news, do you listen to yourself? Are you a watcher? Do you see what goes on in this world, do you see what goes on in your country? Do you see what is going on in your town, school, house, and even yourself? I'm sure most of you are going to answer 'yes', and think will probably think I'm a judgemental jerk for even asking those questions, you're probably thinking that I have no place to ask those questions, and may even call me hypocritical. Well, you can think I'm a judgemental jerk, think that I have no place to ask, and can call me a hypocritical person, because really I don't care, because in reality that stuff needs to be asked.

Do you really listen when you're needed? I find often times the people I need that most don't listen, and don't watch. I find myself even being one of those people, so yeah I was hypcritical, but that doesn't mean that is still who I am, because it's not.

You know, for the longest time I really didn't have a care in the world. I didn't know what was going on in the world, I didn't know what was happening in my country, or even in my very town, school and home. Now I'm not saying that I now know everything going on, but I'm far more observant, and willing to listen. I've gone through a lot in my life, and you know, living a life where no one listens sucks. Ya sure, I have people in my life who say they listen, but do they really all the time? I'm not sure I really care if they listen or not because I am a big girl, and I can handle my life, and can handle what I go through pretty much on my own, I've learned to live. But my point is, knowing how much I needed people to listen to me for so long really made me want to listen more. I want to know what's happening, and I want to be able to listen to people and reassure them that no matter what I am there to listen.

The text in italics is a section from a song by my all time favourite band-Casting Crowns. I have loved this band forever! The song is called "Does Anybody Hear Her".

I really think it's a great song because it totally speaks truth to our world today. There are so many people in our world who don't have someone to listen to and they go through crap. There are so many people who don't have someone to listen to them, and they have a great life. Ya know, sometimes having someone to listen to you talk about your life, whether it be good or bad is a great thing, and is something that is needed. You know, sometimes we just need someone to listen. Someone to hear you out, and not judge you, and not talk, just listen.

I think that's really important. It's definitely something I need, and is something I totally am striving to become. I want to be a better listener, I want to be a better person, and I want to be that person that people can talk to, the person who makes them comfortable enough to trust them to talk to and just be heard. I want to be the voice for the voiceless, and get them someone to listen to them.

So next time you're talking to someone, next time you see someone who doesn't look happy, or looks super happy, ask them, and listen.

Born this way...

1 Corinthians 16:13
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong
 
Bravery...when you hear that word, what do you think of?
I was recently asked this question in an email form. I had signed up to be apart of a movement, called the "Born this Way Foundation", and it is reflective of Lady Gaga. Now I must let you know that I am not a big fan of Gaga but she does have some great messages. The whole idea of this movement is to empower youth, and essentially to eliminated the bullying that happens on a daily basis in our world.
 
So I joined the movement, and I was asked what bravery meant to me, and I thought for a long while about what bravery truly meant to me. At first I wanted to say something that totally related to the Lady Gaga theme, and the whole "born this way" idea, but in the end I really couldn't think of the cookie cutter answer....
I came up with this:
When I think of bravery, I think of Jesus. I think of all the things he did for us in this world. I think of how he wore a crown of thorns, and how he willingly was nailed to the cross to take our sins and die for us.
When I think of bravery, I think of the many people who fight for our freedom. I think of the many Canadian soldiers who are fighting across seas right now for our country.

When I think of bravery, I think of all the people who are willing to stand up for who they are. I think of the people who are bullied on a daily basis simply because they are different, or because they don't fit in.

When I think of bravery, I think of the people who do the most outstanding things in life. The people who aren't scared to die for others; the people who aren't scared to stand up for what they believe in; the people who aren't scared to be who they are; the people who aren't scared to fight for others; the people who aren't scared to be humble, loving, patient and kind;

When I think of bravery, I think of the person who I want to become.
I am 20 years old and I want to become brave, because I was born this way

And you know, after I wrote this and submitted it, it became clear that there really wasn't a right or wrong answer for what bravery means. I didn't have to come up with the most cookie cutter answer because ideally it is reflective of what the movement speaks of...

Ya sure, being brave is a big thing to people, and it usually consists of going to the doctors and being brave by getting your needles, or standing in front of a class and saying a speech...but you know, like I said I don't think there is a distinct answer for what bravery is. I think if you feel as though you were brave, and as though what you are doing is good enough, then that's the right answer.

so what does bravery mean to you?

I want to share a video with you guys. It's called "it gets better" and it's sung by a whole bunch of broadway stars. Basically they sing this song for the LGBTIQ community, and I think it's great. I think every single person that is apart of that community is brave because they are willing to stand up for who they are, they aren't ashamed of who they are, and I think that's admirable. I really love this song because it really just shows how many people care about others in this world, and I just love that!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeKI8biAglU

A New Year, A New Chapter.

Well, another year has come and gone, and let me tell you, boy am I glad 2011 is gone!
2011 was good to me, I mean I had my ups and downs, as most of you would know from previous posts, but I am super excited for 2012.

I had some great times in 2011 that I am super thankful for, and constantly Praise God for. I mean I went on my first Missions trip to Haiti, and I met some amazing people! I saw God do some amazing things through me and in me while I was in Haiti and it has definitely changed me. I started my second year in University, and started my job as an RA. I love my job as an RA, but I definitely had my challenges.

My faith was tested to the limit, and I still don't completely know how I did, but I guess I will never know eh? hah. I saw God work in many amazing ways throughout the past year. I overcame a lot of things, and began to overcome other things. I was faced with many "adult" decisions within the past couple of months, and let me tell you, making those "adult" decisions weren't always fun, nor were they easy. But with the grace of God and the help of my all-loving Father, I was able to get through it.

With all that being said, 2012 is going to be great! I have learned from my mistakes, I have learned how to become a more obedient Christian, how to Love deeper, how to care more, how to be more patient(sort of) and how to be a better me! I am so ready to tackle 2012 and see what is thrown my way. I know feel more equiped with knowledge, wisdom, grace, love, kindness, compassion etc to go on this year and live it to the fullest. I will be an everlasting, loving, joyful Christian that I have always been, and I am going to let my little light shine!

I hope you all will begin to think about 2011, and 2012 and reflect on the things that you want to change, the things that made you who you are, and the things that helped you to make it this far. I know that once you reflect on 2011, and have an open mind for this year of 2012 you will succeed, and great things will come your way.
I pray that God blesses you all greatly this year.

Love and Peace.
Stephanie