Blessings

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise


Today as I sat in my dorm room, after classes doing some work, I was just browsing my playlists on my computer and I found the song Blessings by Laura Story. And you know, it was the perfect day to find this song because the weather was just so perfect! Rainy! I absolutely love to just sit in my room on a rainy day and think about life, especially after a really hard couple weeks :) To be completely honest I had no idea what this song was and really don't even remember downloading it. I had never heard it before; As I was looking through songs and found it I figured, hey why not listen to it figure out what this song really was. When I began to listen to the song it became clear that it was totally the right song for me in this point of my life.

Like I've blogged about before, I have been having a hard times. But once I listened to this song for the first time(and continuously haha) it became clear to me that this way I am feeling is not necessarily normal, but it's definitely a time that I need to draw closer to God, and lay at his feet.

Psalm 37:4 says:
"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."
1 Peter 5:7 says:
Cast “all your care upon Him, for He cares for you”

You know, God calls us to cast our burdens upon him. He died on the cross for us. In the last blog that I posted, theres a pretty profound statement in the video that I shared. Near to the end of the video a voice says, "look at his arms...they are nailed open, so you can place your bags on his arms"(that's not exact wording, but it's basically the same) and it's so true. I have so much stuff going on in my mind, and in my life, that I feel like I can't hold onto anymore, that I can't carry anymore. And ya know, I don't need to. One thing that I am constantly learning is that I don't need to carry these things around with me because that's the entire reason as to why Jesus died for us on the cross. He died so that he could take all our pain, hurt, fears, and worries away.

It's so incredible, to think that Jesus would die on the cross for us to lay all the crap in our lives at the foot of the cross. It's amazing, and makes me hopeful for the future. Although I don't feel amazing right now, or feel like I am worth anything right now, or even like I am ever going to get over this all, but I know that I will. With the help of God, I CAN and WILL get through this. It's a constant struggle, and is something that I ignore a lot, and something that I dwell on a lot, but I'm for real. I'm so sick of living this life, and I know through God and through help with friends I can do it :)

Baggage..

You know, lately I have been feeling like the weight of my sins are resting on my shoulders, and it's definitely bringing me down.

I haven't been doing so well in school, and I feel like I am so focused on my job as an RA that I haven't been able to focus on myself, or studying. I honestly don't know how to step back from my job, and let myself have the "me" time that I deserve, or study like I should be.

I am being face with the decision of whether or not school is really for me, and whether or not I should continue on studying here at the University of Windsor second semester. There's a HUGE part of me that wants to drop out, because I'm so discouraged from the grades I have been getting, but there's that other part of me that doesn't want to quit and feel like a failure. I feel like if I were to drop out of school, and quit my job as an RA, I would be failing everyone-myself, my family, my coworkers, my boss, and most of all God. It's like I would be comprimising his plan for my life, that I can't even figure out.

I wrote before about how I felt like I was loosing my joy. Well recently, over the past week, I felt like I was getting my joy back, and then last night when I found out one of my marks, it's like it all completely went away.

There is a skit called Baggage. It's about this girl who has been carrying around so many bags her whole life, and felt like she couldn't lay them down at the feet of Jesus. That's exactly how I feel. I have been carrying my bags around so long, it's like I can't get rid of them, and when I do, they all just come back.
It's a horrible feeling, and it makes me super sad.

I'm so over feeling like this. I'm so over crying, and feeling like I fail at life. I just want something good to come out of my job, and school, and my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrvJIznZKtU

Get Service...?

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=DYKP7GNX

Before you read my blog, watch the video that is linked above...

Watched it? Okay good, you may now proceed to read the blog.

I was shown this video one Sunday a couple months ago at my church. I didn't realize how much this video impacted my life until I returned back from Haiti, and started my second year of university. It wasn't until my 2 weeks of training for my job as an RA that I watched this video again. It was an emotional day of learning about diversity, and this video totally popped into my head. I really didn't remember what the video was called, or really what it was completely about, but God definitely put the video on my heart to watch, to obviously teach me something. I remember coming home that night after that day of training and watching the video, and not really thinking anything of it, or even really acting on it.(this was about a month ago) It wasn't until tonight when I watched it again. I was out for dinner with one of my friends, who is also an RA, and we were talking about another video. It was a video called Everything Skit, by Lifehouse. It's definitely a powerful skit, and I would recommned you watch it. I have watched that video millions of times, and everytime I cry and get insane goosebumps. However, with watching that video I thought of this one.

Over the past couple of days I have a had a rough go. I was given some not so good news from my parents regarding my family, and it totally tore me apart. My bestfriend and I got in a disagreement, and that was totally rough on me to. But I have also bee struggling with what my purpose in life is. I really have been doubting the Lord's will and plan for my life, and have been wondering really what he wants to use me for. I have been totally bummed out because I feel like what I am doing now is completely and utterly wrong. But it wasn't until Friday and Saturday, when I was a total wreck, that God showed me what he want's to do with me. Part of me wants to go away in order to figure myself out, but then that would be sort of running away from my problems. But God has definitely showed me that he wants to use me here, in Windsor Ontario, at the University of Windsor, in Macdonald Hall as an RA.

Now, where does the video come into play? Well the guy who is given the glasses was given the eyes of the Lord. God knows all of our problems, and our lives. How cool would it be if those glasses really did exist? I would wear them everyday in order for me to become more like Jesus. This video is exactly what the Lord wants to use me for. I have now realized that God wants to use me to help others. I mean I knew that I was going to be used to help people, but I always thought it would be in a foreign country, but I am called to help here as well. Since I can't be in another Country throughout the year, God is going to use me here. He has definitely given me a heart for others, and has given me compassion, sympathy, empathy, patience, joy and most of love. He has given me those gifts to shower amongst the people I encounter on a daily basis.
Although I don't have a pair of glasses like the man in the video did, I am still called to the people who are hurting. God is putting me in the situations where I am needed the most. I so want to be an image of Christ, and have him shining through me on a daily basis, and when I interact with hurting people.

I can now say that I am excited for my future here at University, and have reason to worry a little less.
I hope that the video impacts you just as much as it impacted me.

Mark 16:15-16 says:
"He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned."

I have been called to help the people who do not believe. I have been called to preach the gospel, and share the love of Christ, and by being put in the situation of the compassionate joyful loving RA, I think I can accomplish atleast part of that calling.

So the question is...do you want to 'Get Service?'