Baggage..

You know, lately I have been feeling like the weight of my sins are resting on my shoulders, and it's definitely bringing me down.

I haven't been doing so well in school, and I feel like I am so focused on my job as an RA that I haven't been able to focus on myself, or studying. I honestly don't know how to step back from my job, and let myself have the "me" time that I deserve, or study like I should be.

I am being face with the decision of whether or not school is really for me, and whether or not I should continue on studying here at the University of Windsor second semester. There's a HUGE part of me that wants to drop out, because I'm so discouraged from the grades I have been getting, but there's that other part of me that doesn't want to quit and feel like a failure. I feel like if I were to drop out of school, and quit my job as an RA, I would be failing everyone-myself, my family, my coworkers, my boss, and most of all God. It's like I would be comprimising his plan for my life, that I can't even figure out.

I wrote before about how I felt like I was loosing my joy. Well recently, over the past week, I felt like I was getting my joy back, and then last night when I found out one of my marks, it's like it all completely went away.

There is a skit called Baggage. It's about this girl who has been carrying around so many bags her whole life, and felt like she couldn't lay them down at the feet of Jesus. That's exactly how I feel. I have been carrying my bags around so long, it's like I can't get rid of them, and when I do, they all just come back.
It's a horrible feeling, and it makes me super sad.

I'm so over feeling like this. I'm so over crying, and feeling like I fail at life. I just want something good to come out of my job, and school, and my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrvJIznZKtU